procrastination

Little Wolf went to see Ra Ra Riot with me last night, and I swear she was on a mission.

She wore a little black dress and was looking probably the hottest I've ever seen her. I couldn't hide my smile when I saw her no matter how hard I tried to stay unaffected by her presence.

After the show we walked back to my place where she almost immediately stripped down to a tank top & black little lacy boy shorts before asking me if it would be ok if she slept naked.

Christ.

She is so fucking hot.

Basically the best sex I've had in a while.  

I'm still surprised about it. Every time we hook up it gets better and better. 

I think she's doing her homework.

She talked to me about getting back together but I stood my ground about not wanting to be in an exclusive relationship, but damn if she doesn't know what she wants and how to demand my attention. 

 

I've been so busy and focused on other things all day,  then I get little flashbacks of her having her way with me, and !!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate this. 

I don't have the time. 

I am so busy.

I feel guilty because there's so much about me that I kinda hide from her... Things I do that I don't think she needs to know.  Things I do regularly that I feel are very real, but not necessarily desirable or respectable. 

I just want to be free, and I want to have crushes on everyone, and I want to play and not be distracted by one single person.

The problem is not only that I think she's blindly fallen in love with me, but also the fact that I think she's growing on me. I hate admitting it. I don't want to give in.

The thought of falling in love with someone again scares the shit out of me. It makes me want to cry or panic. I am scared because I know it would turn into something serious. Especially since she's so certain.

All these girls are enamored with her who she's tried to see, but she doesn't want anyone else.

le sigh. 

I listened to the cd she made me and I had to turn it off a few times. I didn't think it would get to me, but it did. And unfortunately, it's making me think. 

And unfortunately I have this fascination for one of my studio mates. She is incredibly hott, makes sweet prints, is intelligent, funny, gets my humor  and is straight.

I think this is my first crush on a straight girl, and I think she can tell. Some days she tells me to sit with her. Today, in front of the class- out of nowhere- I wasn't even paying attention,  I hear, "Ash, if I was a lesbian I would totally want to be girlfriends with you right now."  I was like, wha???

man. what a tease. 

I know she's one of those straight girls who makes out with girls when she's drunk.  We've been talking about going drinking and I am wondering how she'd be around me.

And what if something happened? 

She'd probably know I'd liked it a little too much.