I see the lack of vowel sound in lightning
 on the face of a two faced
cadaver
staring at me
facing myself
 overflowing with flesh
yet
the signs of evil and free
a best horrible friend
ridiculing myself for not remaining in rain
interchanges between
remembering
play/dates
and atrocities
to others
slaughtered in history
I obsess over
 in order to send
the most constructive memories that have been
made from horror and sorrow to build something
so much greater in aspects of prevention and defense
than the stillness of reflection
that prohibits production

Will I come to find me 

struck dumb by the lightning

for years to remember

disabling the thing?

all of the layouts
I have both involuntarily
and much so voluntarily
 etched inside  my brain

How many returns can be made before they realize this?
You changed all the pricing to retail's disliking

decision for breaking

you
        pray to be delivered?

What can be bought/ How many sold?
Your dick's in my fist/ i was sucking my thumb
I am molting my skin

ASH HARRELL ART

I've finally made a blog strictly for my (more viewer friendly/possibly sellable) artwork.
There I will post works and discuss ordering options until I make an etsy account.
The new art blog, (in case you have interest in following), is ASH HARRELL ART @ BLOGSPOT .

***EDIT FROM THE LAST POST*

When I was looking through butterflies to figure out what kind it was, I contacted the NC coordinator of moth and butterfly tracking, records and identification.

He said, "It is obviously a Little Metalmark, the only species of metalmark within 300 or more miles. We keep records of this rare species. Do you recall more detailed directions? Specific date?

This is the first report of the species in NC this year. Good find."

I am kinda let down that it wasn't an Arizona metalmark, but glad that I was the first one to report a "little" one.

Summer begins

*I deleted the butterfly photo in this post bc I mislabeled it. It is correctly labeled in the next post

Is there a family that doesn't need therapy?

So many things are making sense with my anger management problems. My parents don't communicate, just bitch and yell at each other. I seriously think they'd be better off separated or divorced. I hope I NEVER treat my spouse like this 27 years down the road.

Can't wait to get back to my own place. Estherhaus accidentally caught a third of our front porch on fire in which the fire dept. came and put it out/chain-sawed it all away. Caution tape is wrapped around from the pix I've seen.

I miss our cats and our garden.

It's been hard translating again. It's turning into a chore trying to concentrate on what I need to be doing. I think about it all the time. The Universe has been telling me something, or whispers of something I will know when I come to that point... In real human time I am still trying to graduate on year six of undergraduate school and wonder if I have the stamina to even do this. I get all cynical about printmaking and art. I got caught up in the constructivists and wanting movements and things. Then I wondered why I was wasting my time not being a farmer or a trucker or experiencing everything instead of being responsible to have to stick around to the confines of this town. Or wanting to jump ahead the occupational ladder or run away even though I am suddenly in my mid-twenties and an independent adult?

I read my astrological birth chart for the first time in my life and thought it was interesting how it talks about my past present and future in sort of a present tense. Something about predetermined manifestation. I want someone who explains charts to be my friend. I guess I could read up on it but I am stressing about other things constantly for what reasons?

I keep cycling between thoughts about saving the environment and having hope that humanity will remember how to use their more spiritual powers (in terms of awareness and positive energy) vs. the feeling that most people are too stupid anyway and its time for a lot of chaos and anarchy and survival of the fittest. I want to laugh when everyone starts to panic and then I want to see what I could manage to manifest in order for survival. Who would make it, how the packs will divide between good and evil when the strong are left- or if some sort of deus ex machina wipes us all out- me included, just like any other mere flesh creature.

Then what happens in the afterlife? Who knows? I imagine we will all disband into countless energy particles, reconfiguring with the chemical and physical formula of whatever it attracts or repels. The possibilities are limitless, and I am up for being disbanded into a lot of things. I know I am full of all sorts of dynamic dualities that my current state has and is accumulating through genetics, cause and effect of experience, degradation and upkeep.

When I get like this, it makes me sleepy. I slide into dreams through restful meditation. I believe they are upgrading my brain to keep up with this time of acceleration. I need to put my finger on it and make it real already. I am tired of waiting.

Opossum three

Opossum two

opossum one opossum