.
Let's see. I do not have a girlfriend. I never asked her to be mine once I got back.
I didn't think it was the right time to start talking about love. Let me make sure I know what I'm babbling about before I say it. Don't let me get your hopes up.

Yet at the same time, I should be willing to sacrifice these parts of myself for an honestly good spirit, inquisitive soul. Someone who is artistic and naturally beautiful in multiple ways.

Oh man oh man, it feels so sad to break someone's heart without them knowing. Even harder with this anxiety about telling her, and this fear that she will convince herself to only see the fuckface side of me and tell me to get lost cause she deserves better than this.

I am guilty, so guilty- especially since she told me a week ago or so that even though we aren't "together" she would no doubt, be truly hurt and upset if I were to sleep with another person.

The polyamory talk didn't go so well afterwards, and I have to respect that. My fear of commitment/ attachment to personal freedom has made it much easier for me to be indecisive and selfish. Now I find myself in love with two people.

My emotions are very much tied to sex with both of these women, and my admiration for them as strong, worthwhile individuals adds even more attraction. Not to mention my history with them, and how they are the two I care about most. It is easy to appreciate the differences between them. They are similar in parallel universes.

I wish this wouldn't hurt anyone. It was just about being close again, not about being together again- but when do, or when will I draw those boundaries? When will I stop resisting and surrender myself to another who is fresh and new for a change?

Why am I so scared to cut myself off from her? I am afraid to loose her, and I can't bare to see her upset. I guess this is the first time someone has challenged her for a place in my heart.
A place inside of me

I guess I'm just stressed