so much about love

I'm sighing and I'm tired 

Hearing her whisper I love you in a dark church keeps me silent because I can't say it back. My heart shouts it more than she knows. Yet, she knows.

If only I could stomp out the smoldering remains of my heart before they reignite to the sight of a mirage. The sound of I love you while you hold my hand between my thighs... doing the same with her beside you.

 I just hope to find you fulfilled someday. I'd like to find myself either alone, or the same.

Focus my energy into allowing love like so many around me finding the simplicity of positivity in others. I've been maintaining myself, staying cautious of the pitfalls of loosing love. Having a general love, a friend love, a teasing love, but true love divorced me but can't move away. 

It's like we're staring at each other with pissed off dog faces, or maybe my heart is growling and I'm wishing to shred away all earthly remains with the strength of my jaws and the saw of my teeth.

Before I remember there is good waiting for me with outreached arms, good love that is grasping for me, begging for me, becoming depressed in love with me. When such beauty becomes sadness

I want your eyes sullen with sleep deprived rings. I want you on strung out substance speaking prolifically. I want you dependent on something hard besides me