I am so bad with procrastinating lately. The terrible part is that I've been putting off my printmaking for other endeavors the past 2 weeks or so. I am in the process of making a new song. I really wanted it to be done by now, at least by elections since it's one of thse anthem, fight-for-your-rights songs. I feel kinda cheesy about it, but at the same time, it's so damn catchy and I always make these kind of songs anyway. I've gotten much better at playing guitar, specifically electric. Mine is so sexy, I love her vibrations on my hips. >>>>>>>hot.

In other news, I had to send Little Wolf away a couple mornings ago. I realized I was unable to do the things I normally do, with female company over distracting me constantly. I started to get the notion that she was getting too comfortable and started to  develop the traits of a live-in girlfriend. 

I was getting way too obsessed with sex. If I wasn't locked away in my room with her, It would be somewhere else. It didn't help much that she comes into my room, always removes her clothes and gets on my bed. Whether she's laying there or doing homework. Either way, it's just asking for it. I couldn't ignore her! If she wasn't around, I was watching porn 4-5+ times a day.  (haha, yeah, I know...)

It got to the point where I was skipping school to stay in bed with her. (I was also sick and sore for about a week straight. Coming off of that now, I hope) My room became a disaster. She forgets to bring extra clothes to my place, so I let her borrow mine- but  I miss seeing a girl in her own clothes, environment, etc. after a week or two in mine.

Also, she was developing that super-cling that  makes me claustrophobic. I could see the devil brewing up some co-dependancy in her body and that's my red flag for running. I told her these things that morning, and she was very upset that I wanted us to separate and do our own things for a while... Which really shouldn't make her upset. it should make her have her own life and get things done while I do the same. We can come back as lovers when we have more time for it.

I don't have time for a girlfriend. I have time for a lover. I need the rest of the time for art and contemplation.

I still like meeting other people and leaving possibilities open. It's more realistic when you are 22, I think. Even more so for LW who is 19. Certainly I am not her be-all end-all of lovers. 

Georgia took me to see the rock collection yesterday. She's a really chill girl and she cracks me up. We are going to hang out again.

I went into the printmaking studio yesterday and saw the lioness working on some mezzotint rocking. I walked up when she wasn't looking and said something like, "hello there mezzotint." and without looking up she's like, "God, you're voice is like heaven to me!"  She was sitting and embraced my legs and kept looking at my face like she was peering into my soul. I think sometimes it startles her to see me and remember whatever feelings my face triggers. 

She broke up with the firefighter a few weeks ago and is seeing a new girl, but nothing really serious.

She told me that she had read one of my old letters to her earlier, and when I was leaving, told me she left me a note in my studio. All it said was, "Let me take you out for dinner? yes/no". I said yes, but who knows if she is even serious, or she just likes the idea of asking me out for dinner after all this time. 

I wonder if it would even be different. Whenever we hang out alone, it turns into her telling me about her drama and sex life. She's always trying to be sexually/psychologically domineering towards me, and I find myself annoyed that she's not just being real. That she thinks she can trick me when really I feel like she's just trying to convince herself and those who only know her from what she projects to them. She's very good at reading people and giving them what they want without them knowing. She does this to get what she wants, and this is the trap I must always be mindful of- cause I refuse to let her play me after all the shit we've been through.

Tomorrow is Halloween. I am going to be tank girl.