It's been hard translating again. It's turning into a chore trying to concentrate on what I need to be doing. I think about it all the time. The Universe has been telling me something, or whispers of something I will know when I come to that point... In real human time I am still trying to graduate on year six of undergraduate school and wonder if I have the stamina to even do this. I get all cynical about printmaking and art. I got caught up in the constructivists and wanting movements and things. Then I wondered why I was wasting my time not being a farmer or a trucker or experiencing everything instead of being responsible to have to stick around to the confines of this town. Or wanting to jump ahead the occupational ladder or run away even though I am suddenly in my mid-twenties and an independent adult?

I read my astrological birth chart for the first time in my life and thought it was interesting how it talks about my past present and future in sort of a present tense. Something about predetermined manifestation. I want someone who explains charts to be my friend. I guess I could read up on it but I am stressing about other things constantly for what reasons?

I keep cycling between thoughts about saving the environment and having hope that humanity will remember how to use their more spiritual powers (in terms of awareness and positive energy) vs. the feeling that most people are too stupid anyway and its time for a lot of chaos and anarchy and survival of the fittest. I want to laugh when everyone starts to panic and then I want to see what I could manage to manifest in order for survival. Who would make it, how the packs will divide between good and evil when the strong are left- or if some sort of deus ex machina wipes us all out- me included, just like any other mere flesh creature.

Then what happens in the afterlife? Who knows? I imagine we will all disband into countless energy particles, reconfiguring with the chemical and physical formula of whatever it attracts or repels. The possibilities are limitless, and I am up for being disbanded into a lot of things. I know I am full of all sorts of dynamic dualities that my current state has and is accumulating through genetics, cause and effect of experience, degradation and upkeep.

When I get like this, it makes me sleepy. I slide into dreams through restful meditation. I believe they are upgrading my brain to keep up with this time of acceleration. I need to put my finger on it and make it real already. I am tired of waiting.